25/9/05. FIN

Checking the site every day desperately hoping to find the final issue? Well there isn't going to be one. Lousey! is over for now. On behalf of the Lousey team, we would like to thank Christ's Hospital and all its staff for deciding not to sue, and for taking the material in the best of humour.

19/6/05. GOOGLE

Lousey! Online is currently on the second page of results for the search 'lousey'. The world was celebrating long into the night after this magnificent news.

In other news:

The final issue of Lousey! can be seen at the end of the tunnel. Only if you squint though.

24/4/2005 - 12.53am - SPECIAL REPORT


A special report. READ IT HERE



18/4/05 - ISSUE 22

14/4/05 - 12.38pm - ISSUE 21

6/4/05 - 20.45pm - ISSUE 20

2/4/05 - 13.03pm - ISSUE 19


1/4/05 - 22.08pm


The site is now far more user-friendly, as our web expert has spent a good few minutes tightening up the links. Some recent views of the new efficiency of the Lousey! site:

"I really don't care" - K. Bean

"I can't notice any difference at all" - B. Bunter

"It's great, now give me my fiver" - R. E. L. E. Lol


26/3/05 - ISSUE 18


Another whopping 3-page helping of your third favourite magazine!

7/3/05 - Issue 17

1/3/2005 -16.21pm - Issue 16

After much toil, our web expert has managed to rearrange the site somewhat, due to the need to free up space. Issue 16 can now be reached.

24.1.2005 - 11.22am - Issue 15 released

13.1.2005 - 1.51pm - LOUSEY! forum launch

Please visit the fabulous new Lousey! forum, sponsored by nothing. This will be found by pointing the cursor over the following writing and depressing the appropriate finger on your mouse. Lousey! Forums

1/1/2005 - 17.49pm

Well, we couldn't have asked for a better way to begin the new year than a fresh, juicy batch of hateful posts. Thank you for your most enjoyable moans.

19/12/2004 - ISSUE 13

The moment we've all been waiting for...the Lousey! Christmas special is now available for viewing.

9/12/04 - Latest description

Lousey! has been described as a "pile of wank".  Please keep your abuse coming in.

7/12/04 - Issue 12 added

6/12/04 - Ogre Online

Here is a rather humorous page, owned by one Charles Craigie. Give it a visit.  Here is a typical sentence: "Big n mingin rele lol i dunno u tell me"  Yes Charles, you are. www.faceparty.com/goodbosh

3/12/04 - The drama unfolds

Lousey! has recently been subject to yet more criticism, and deservedly so; they are shit and pathetic, after all.  It is with great excitement that this abuse is displayed below, in large, aggressive lettering.

"I can't believe people are lending their names to this site. i think it says it all that Williams is such a fan. you frequently miss the mark both in terms of style and content - who do u think you are, rob lomax?"

An appropriate reply has been left by an unknown source.

"...To the idiot who posted that rude and obscene message, i am sure you believe that your time been bummed and manipulated by more senior members of the school was both rewarding and fun..."

30/11/04 - Old Blues web-site

Lousey! are pleased to advertise the Old Blues site, which will be found at: www.oldblues.com  The site has been voted 'A good place to visit' by our web experts.


A dramatic late victory for underdog Mary Ireland in the recent poll concludes that Steve Connors is not the people's favourite deputy head.  Despite storming into a resounding lead (he voted for himself at least 50 times), Connors was then banned from voting, which proved the decisive moment in this memorable encounter.
     Ireland was obviously delighted with the result, and showed it when we rang to inform her of her success: "What are you on about? This sounds very childish to me." (hangs up)

29/11/04 - C.H. forum, DEFINITELY worth a visit

It is with much mirth that Lousey! advertises the 'unofficial CH forum', which can be found at: www.chforum.info Users include Mary Clare and Hendrik Bower.

29/11/04 - New abuse received - Lousey! delighted

A magnificent day for us at Lousey!  We direct your attention to the guestbook, where a most pleasing post has been input:

"this is shit and pathetic. you really need to get lives"

It is posts like these that make our job worthwhile.  We are happy to not offer the contributor a fantastic prize.

26/11/04 - Feedback received

An anonymous e-mail was received today describing how a boy, identified only as 'Croney', has been publicly preaching his hatred of Lousey! 
Many scathing comments were made at Lousey's! expense, the harshest of which included:  "Lousey! is really shit" and "Lousey! isn't actually funny at all."

26/11/04 - Poll added

Please vote in our special Super-Fun Poll, the content of which was suggested via e-mail by Dr. Steve Connors, who adds a side-note: "Vote for me".

25/11/04 - Lousey! celebrates 500 visitors

It is not a proud day for our glorious nation; a day which has not been voted 'quite exciting' by The Times; a day which will not go down in the history books.
   Nevertheless, we at Lousey! are proud to announce 500 visitors to the site. 
The 500th visitor receives a super brilliant fantastic prize!! 
(please allow at least 300 years for delivery)

25/11/04 - Lousey! criticised for being rotten liars

A disgruntled important person has accused Lousey! of lying about having 500 visitors to the site. He has noticed that whenever the home page is refreshed, another hit is added to the counter, hence concluding that the figure is more likely to be in the region of 50.
    He went on to insult the Lousey! team further, condemning them "silly individuals".  Lousey! are devastated by this horrible comment, and are currently crying in a corner.

25/11/04 - Guestbook added

Feel free to sign the Lousey! guestbook, located at the bottom of the page.


I.T. Special!  A member of the I.T. department makes a shocking discovery.


Lousey! decides to investigate further into the refurbishment of the boarding houses.


A look into one of the school's questionable methods of balancing the books.


Special Yellowey Edition! - A matron is arrested for excessive nagging.


Lousey! reflects on the loss of one of Christ's Hospital's finest employees.


Lousey! re-lives some vivid memories, and deputy head Steve Connors reminds the school of some important facts.


Lousey! receives a postcard from Nick Parish, and a cricket coach develops a problem.


Eggball extravaganza!  Richard Baker gives his termly rugby review.


Lousey! reports on the 'Rock School' project, and the new-look version of 'The Blue' is unveiled.


Embarrassment for Neil Fleming, and joy for the West's Gift Chess champion.


A Deputy Head tries her hand on the football pitch - with catastrophic results. Elsewhere, GNC discusses his breakfast with Lousey!, 'The Blue' is advertised and a horrible comment is explained.


An update on the 'Deputy Heads In Need' Campaign, a new scam by Lazy Ian is revealed and Mr. Marlow's departure leaves the school with some thinking to do.


The Lousey! Christmas Special.  We find out what the staff want for christmas, and more accurate versions of the nativity story and the Rock School project are revealed.  We publish our first work from the award-winning poetry series 'Ogre Powems', and the school cancels Christmas.  All this and more in this bumper 3 page edition!!


We take a closer look at a Fairfield's meal, and we visit the C.H. superstore.


Our favourite school punishments are revealed, and disturbing reports of a witch sighting are made.


The demolitions are delayed, much to the Headmaster's frustration, and the school marshal's dog writes in with a problem(?).


(Page 1) We consider the possible 10 Commandments of CH, and the Bax Castle once again prepare themselves for the most profitable night of the year.
(Page 2) Our most controversial story ever!
(Page 3) The school proudly enter a Eurovision hopeful + more exam result waffling.


(Page 1) The paper policy explained, and the crap slogan attacked. Plus sightings of an annoying gnome.
(Page 2) A tasteful selection of TV delights, Mike Harrod looking at porn and an entry in the Alternative Housey Slang Book.
(Page 3) Gene Simmons sleeps with an ogre, and a concerned department moan about something pointless.


(Page 1) A bocker inspires the Head Master towards a brilliant new cost-cutting scheme.
(Page 2) A celebrity chef investigates the standard of CH food. Plus another meaningless 'Royal Visit' and an advertisement for the fascinating Verrio tours.


(Page 1) Mr. Holme is a pirate. Yes, it's not true! Free CH entrance exam included on this page.
(Page 2) Smokers found smoking - shock horror. Classified section included.


(Page 1) GNC searches for a new pair of socks, the Headmaster reveals his plans to get an A.B.A., and Dr. Connors talks about himself.
(Page 2) The answer to all your early morning troubles, Mrs. Miles campaigns to save a cow and we give you this week's winning lottery numbers.


(Page 1) An Art teacher reveals a terrible secret, and the teachers don't want to go back to school.
(Page 2) Today's CH Television listings, and a reassuring message from the security staff.

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2004, the Authors and Editors of Lousey!